Dear Occupant,

The hotel you’ve been squatting in has been purchased by a major chain and the trusted concierge who let you live out of one of our lower-rate rooms has been fired.

Effective immediately.

Please gather your belongings and exit the premises.

Now for the good news.

The mayor announced today that the rate of homelessness is down 0.001% in the City of Los Angeles.

Good luck!

The Management